Me. My Life. And Crap.



Monday, February 9, 2009 @ 9:01 PM: Emo


The full moon which shines so briliantly marks the end of the Lunar New Year for 2009.
This day has really been a hell of a day.
At least for me.


Today has been a rather emo day.
Emo, hmm.. if this is what they mean by being emo, it sucks.



Overall, my day was normal enough.
I woke up around 10-ish today. (which is early for me! xD)


Had mom's western food for brunch.
Spent the afternoon watching Kyle XY online and Maple-ing.
Chatted with some friends as well.

Also met Ee Von for a while to get Christine's wedding invitation frm her.
Her invitation was such an expensive one!!

In the morning before the dinner there was activities.
Guided Cycling, Horseback riding, Paintball shooting, Fooz Ball (wht is tht?) etc.
Total RM needed?
Rm110-120.



Later that evening, drove mom out to the pasar malam, where on the way out the guard hse, I accidentally stepped on the gas instead of the brake and ended up, luckily, scraping the right side mirror only by a little.
Was a little stunned and embarrased.

Oh soooo embarrassed!!

At first, I didnt know why, but in the end, I figured out one of my greatest weakness:
I didn't allow room for mess ups.


Just like back in school, I would constantly do everything according to the rules and would be seen as the "good boy".
I would make every teacher see the good in me and to them.

It was to the extent that there was one time when I didn't bring my homework, as did some of the other classmates, the teacher punished the others but excused me, because the teacher said "mun wai is different (or was it special?) ma..." xDD

My classmates and I were quite gud frens bt thy pretty much hated that fact about me tht i was Mr.Goody-goody.

Anyway, my point is that I always try to be at my best when in front of ppl.
I don't want ppl to see my flaws or be dissapointed at me.
Which is why I strived so hard for my final two years in high school.
And why I completely got crushed and destroyed when I found out I only had got 4As for my SPM.
And also why till this day, I'm still single.
I don't take risks.

I take calculated risks.



Then after dinner, just sat around watching tv and movies again.



Sigh.
Today was such a useless and long day.
I feel like I could've done a lot but still feel the same way.
Wai Keat and I originally had plans to go out this morning, but I turned him down.
Mainly coz I really didn't have the mood at all, and partly coz I was low in cash xD


Sometimes, I wonder what I want in life.
Why do I do the things I do.
And sometimes, like today, I wonder what exactly am I doing with my life now.

It seems as though I have had nothing to look forward to since I finished my SPM and left school.
I feel much more better like when I went back to visit Edward and Elaine during Blue House marching practice time.

Although I have to comment, I have never seen blue house march this bad my entire life!!
I wish I could do more to help.
I honestly have to say I love commanding and coaching the marching team that day.

It felt fun and purposeful.
And no offense, but I felt that this time they weren't being taught correctly.
I know that there was lots of scolding going on back during our marching times, but that was completely separate from the time we were learning.

Which is why I feel that they shouldn't be scolded more than being taught.
They should be taught seriously and be shown that their leaders really are into this.
Not yelling after each time something goes wrong.
It lowers their morale.


Anyway, whatever.
I've left school for 2 years now.
Its time the new bunch learn themselves.
Though, if I do go back this Friday again, I wouldn't mind helping out =P
I kinda regret not being chosen to be the blue hse marching leader back during my final year..



So, now, I'm thinking of many things and problems that I have yet to deal with.
I'm thinking about things that I could do but am not doing.
Things that I could've done but didn't.
Dunno why I'm so emo today but I guess its a good thing, in a weird way.


At least I'm emo in my own home, and not bursting out all emo when in college.


I'm not gonna bore u guys with all my emo problems here coz I see my post is barely comprehensible enough to bore u guys and show u how complicated my mind is right now, on the surface alone.

So, until I cool down,



Happy Emo-ing!!
And G'Nite ofcoz. xDD

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