Me. My Life. And Crap.



Wednesday, August 27, 2008 @ 12:42 AM: Random thoughts...
Erm, this entry aint much, just some thoughts that have been in my head this past couple of days... I'm trying to put the Free Writing technique that Miss Laura taught us in Basic Composition class to good use!! xD

Well here it goes!!

Thought #1: Right, now I'm seriously regretting not buying those MTV Awards 08 tickets from Kin Fang now!! I mean, what was I thinking?! Sure, they were bloody expensive, but I would've gotten to see ppl like... The Script!! Click 5!! Karen Mok!! Leo Ku!! Nicholas Teo!! Stephanie Sun!! Panic at the Disco!! One Republic!!! And the Pussycat Dolls!!!!! For God's sake!! THE Pussycat Dolls!!! But oh well, no point crying over spilt milk... On the bright side? I get to save up more money to get my hair done soon xD

Thought #2: Well, its something I noticed lately, but school has really changed a lot these days. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about the building or education or teachers.. The teachers are stil as annoying as usual!! Except for a few exceptions^^.. Its the student attitudes n personality n stuff. Back when I was in primary school, we were all just plain innocent and adorable kids. Not to say the primary kids students these days aren't!! I mean seriously, some of them could beat me in a look cool contest! What I'm trying to say is, the attitude they have now is already equal to those in High School! I've never heard them say a vulgar word yet, but I can bet ya'll 10 bucks those little guys yelling f**k and d*u behind our backs! Honestly, the country certainly isn't as advanced as those like the US, but the students are certainly getting there first! I mean, these days its pretty common to hear of dating among 12yr olds. Even 11yr olds sometimes! At this point, I kinda think that I myself need to pick up the pace too because I can't lose out to these little punks. I'm 18yrs old for heavan's sake! xD

Thought #3: Well, Life is certainly changing fast this year. Just this year I've been through work life, National Service, TAR College, Form6, and now in SeGi College. I've taken hits from every single ball God can toss at me. The biggest ball would be my dad, but I'm somehow miraculously still standing. Luck, i call it. But if God were to throw anymore balls down at me, I don't think I can stand anymore. I was pimple and acne free up until SPM came!! Then when it was over, the pimples dissapeared fast. But once it hit year 2008.. BOOM!! My face is like a farming center for pimples!! Though after taking a 1 month hiatus from all things stress this past July, as well as a lot of painful facial treatment from my mom, I can finally say that I'm feeling much more relaxed and pimple free again. Though I doubt I'll ever get to feel the relaxing feeling I used to have back at school ever again.. Hopefully, everthing continues to go smoothly for the remains of this year and 2009 comes with more smooth saillings. Otherwise, you just might be able to see what will happen well a person's head explodes!!

Thoughts #4: Well, It is a shock, but one of my close friends, Christine, had recently told me she was getting married!! Honestly, I thought she was joking at first. We just left school for less than a year, then marrage?! I haven't even began dating yet!!! But I respect her decision and support her completely. If I had to choose any 1 of my friends to get married at 18 right after leaving school and survive the ride, I wouldn't choose anybody other than her. She is the best candidate for the job haha. Seeing her getting married like that makes me wonder if I'll ever get to even find a person I want to be with --lets not say for the rest of my life yet, but-- just as a date or someone I like. I'm such a noob at this asking a girl out and confessing my feelings and stuff like that since i haven't done it before!!! They make it look so easy in movies... I need a teacher for this!!! Oh yeah, as for the details of the wedding, I might post it up later on a seperate entry.

Well, that's a few of the things on my mind for now. Others? I'll post them up later. ;)




Sunday, August 17, 2008 @ 12:57 AM: Memories of TarC
Well, this entry ain't a continuation of my past experiences this year, but its pretty much just an entry about my life in TARC that had ended recently and al that I've felt throughout the entire time.

Well, 1st is that i really just only realised how much I need to appreciate the time i spent in TAR College. Even though just being there a month, I've really got alot of experience and happy memories there. I was glad to be able to finally get into college life. I was glad to be able to go into a course and subject that actually makes sense and can be used in the future!! Unlike school subjects - which are useful, but not as useful, I feel.. - it really helped me to learn more about myself and find the courage to change myself. But out of all of these events, the one thing that really made me feel the best and touched my heart, was that I belonged. I was not ignored. I wasn't cast aside. I was acknowleged. Not for my smarts (if I have any), but for who I am.

When I first got there, I told myself that I had to change my personality from being quiet and closed up, to open and outspoken. I wanted to be able to socialise better and make the first move for once instead of waiting for everyone to finally notice the kid who is always alone. Though, initially i admit, I stuck onto mostly the 2 friends that I knew back from school. Here, I would really like to thank them, May Shuen and Vanessa, for being there for me and not thinking I was a nuissance. Instead, they treated me liek a real friend and helped me whenever I needed it. Eventually, I also got to know Phoay Shan, who also I had gotten to know through May Shuen and Vanessa as well.

After the trio, I had also found an old friend whom I've long ago lost contact with. Shu Yi. At first, I kept stealing glancesat her, wondering where had I seen her before. I thought to myself: Is she from Sentosa? No. I don't remember her being in ANY class. And I kept pondering until finally, she came over and asked me am I from Yoke Nam. Hahahaha. Who would have thought, she was my ex-classmate back in Primary School, Standard 4!! After that, we chat alot more and became much better friends, especially after being put in the same tutorial group.

Later on, in the tutorial classes, we were grouped into groups of 3. Here, I met yet another few friends. Chun Keong and Jo, who were my group members and friends. During assignments, it wa alawys very fun to work with them. I'm glad more than ever that I were paired with them and no one else. After that, through Jo, I was able to get to know Henry, Ken, and Hiang Chiak. I didn't really get much time with them because I had decided to leave TARC early.

At the time, I couldn't even begin to explain to you guys how I felt about leaving all my newly made friends behind. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why I never told any of them i was leaving until my last day there. I couldn't bare to hear them ask me repeatedly why was I leaving and hearing their pleas for me to stay on. I knew that I had to do what was best for me and I couldn't just keep following my friends all the time. I finished the assignment which I was responsible for and passed it to Jo and Chun Keong as my final job was done and left.

Some time had passed, and after awhile, another one of my senior and close friends whom I think of as a big brother, Cornas, sms-ed me and asked me to join them on a Counselling Camp they had been planning for awhile now. Before I knew I was leaving, I wrote my name on the list of people who were going. But since I was no longer a student, I thought that I had been cancelled out immediately. But, Cornas insisted that I joined them on the trip to the Japanese House in N.Sembilan for the camp and said that even though I'm no lner a student, I was still a part of their DCL Family. I was so touched by this. In the end, I agreed to go.

For the last time, I took my stuff and gathered at the Pasar Seni lrt station at 7.30am where we were supposed to rendezvous. There, I saw only a few of the people whom I knew and felt like an outsider, an extra, and outcast. But that feeling went away as soon as I saw the Jo, Henry, May Shuen, Vanessa, and eventually more of my friends appear. Once everyone had arrived, we headed onto the bus. Here, once again, I felt like an extra again. It wasn't that I meant to, and not that I didn't see it coming either. It seemed that everytime we were suppsoed to pair up with someone for a seat or something, I would always end up alone. This time, I sat alone, and eventually, the last person without a seat, joined me. It was James. Our course rep. I'm not saying he wasn't a good person, but just that for once, I would like to have been able to have a friend who would join me because he/she wanted to. Its a little childish, but yeah, its true.

Later, we arrived at Selangor Bus station. There, we had to switch buses but the bus that was supposed to pick us up was late and didn't come for quite some time. So, the bunch of us spent almost an hour at the petrol station grabbing a breakfast, some tid-bits, or just simple standing there chatting. As I saw that everyone was already grouped or ganged, I didn't feel like a should have mixed in with any of them as it felt like intruding.

But after awhile, something that I never expected happened. Jo called over to me, where she was standing with Ken, Henry and Hiang Chiak. She asked me (in chinese): "Hey, what are you doing over there alone? Come join us la! You're with our gang de ma!!"... I'm not sure of the exact words but it was 90% accurate. I can't begin to describe my feelings then. Its like an orphan being adopted after 10 years of solitude. That's the best I can describe it. Weird, but I can't do better. Sue me.

At that moment, I felt that I was truly wanted, cared for, and part of something. They weren't calling me to join them because they needed some extra guy in their project, or because they can't find enough guys. They called me because they wanted to. Because they thought of me as their friend and one of them. They may not know it, but just by saying that seemingly insignificant detail to me, has meant so much much to me. It made me feel that I wasn't worthless. I wasn't an extra. I can't begin to thank them enough for being in my life. I may not get as much time with them now, but all I can say is that, I will never forgot them and what they did for me. Sure, i'll admit. I'm only human. I may forget their names. I may forget their looks. I may even forget where I met them. But the one thing I know I'll never forget is what they did for me: They gave me some of the self-worth that I never had given much to myself.

Well, that's pretty much the most important and main part that I wanted to write about throughout this entire entry. The next part will be all about my experience at the Japanese House. But I won't elaborate much coz, if I do, I'm afraid you might never see the end of this entry!! All I'll say is that from here on, it was all fun, plenty of games, loads of mosquitoes, and just bonding with friends.

As for the main few things that happend here besides that, it was that I got to talk about my problems and get some advice from Cornas at the night. It was very helpful and I'll always appreciate his help. Another thing is that I got to know another friend that shared the same room as me, Jo, Henry, Ken, Hiang Chiak, n Shu Yi. Btw, I got to know her through Shu Yi. And I would like to point out, sharing rooms could never get any more fun with any other guys thn them!! They are seriously the best roomates ever! Fun, and really funny especially when we woke up the next morning with 5 of us cramped into 3 matresses stuck together, while 2 other guys slept on the floor. Yup. We, guys n girls, slept together on the same bed. Heh. Wasn't really anything much going on since we all just, well, slept! But I bet I know what you're thinking!!!

Naughty naughty!! xD

Just some pictures of my memories with my friends at Japanese House:




My roommates for the trip.

Best guys n gals eva!!

My group for the trip.

Played all of the games and activites together^^


Final picture with my close friends:

Cornas, May Shuen (girl in black), and Vanessa (girl in Green)

Me n Shu Yi... and other sleeping dudes in the background xD

Finally, a full photo of those of who attended the trip.
Missing em all!! Thx 4 da memories!!




Saturday, August 9, 2008 @ 12:38 AM: Year 2008 Recap (January - March)
Well, I continued to work in the Feng Shui shop as usual after reading that horoscope forecast book. But things seemed to turn from Fun-times-after-SPM-is-finally-over to Hell-on-earth-with-the-arrival-of-the-new-year!! I mean, it was a pretty obvious turn of scenery, like the bombing of Hiroshima all over again!! Once it hit the 1st of January, ofcourse.

As hectic as life was working 8 hours a day, going for my Driving Undang classes and test, balancing my life with my friends -that it seems are all thats left- by spending some time with them, and scheming on ways to evade the ever fearful National Service, my dad manages to get me and fit in at least 2-3 hours every night talking about my future, college, and financial status. Talk about your intense pressure!! Can you say... STRESS?!!!!

Well, for the whole of January, February, and part of March, i spent hours at night after coming back from work exhausted, "debating" (just to put it in a nice way) with my dad about how I don't want to go for business studies. He doesn't say it directly but I know his style. Until today he is still hinting me abt stuff like MBA. But lets stay focus back in the past for now shall we. So I keep trying to convince him that what I truly want is Psychology. But he keeps fighting back, saying that it isn't a very good subject to take up because in Malaysia, there's isn't much demand at all and he keeps trying to get me to dig up info for him. To convince him. At times, when I feel like I can't handle him anymore, I let my mom deal with him while I excuse myself into the bathroom for almost half an hour before I reappear. I don't know if anyone who's reading this can understand how I feel, but all I can say is that no one should deserve going through such hell.

Once I've finally shut him up about the course choice, and he grudgingly says OK to the Psychology, it was time to talk College. It was here that sprouted anotehr problem. Here, I would say I wanna study in the colleges that were more famous for their Psychology course. In KL, I'm pretty sure everyone is familiar with the HELP College. I had my eyes on it since I figured I wanted to study Psychology. Ofcourse, my 1st choice would have been to study abroad, but that was just merely a foolish dream of a 16 year old boy, thinking life was made. It was here that my dad told me that I could study Psychology, but not in HELP because of our financial status. So after discussing between colleges and him giving me the limitations I would have to make when choosing them, I finally realised that he wasn't really giving me much of a choice at all! I had not muc choice except TARC reli. It was the cheapest, but it didn't have a direct path to Psychology, instead requiring me to take 2 years of Diploma in Counselling before going for 2 more years of Advanced Diploma in Psychology. Grudgingly as well, I gave in after his constant attacks towards my low mental vitality and my mom's constant request that I give in a little instead of taking everything. I told her that when it comes to my future, I had no choice and deserved as well to be a little selfish. But in the end, yeah. I gave in. I was going to study at TARC for a Diploma in Counselling after i come back from NS.

I went to register at TARC for the course and because of my failure to ditch NS, i went with a heavy heart, to KPP (Kem Puncak Permai, Tondong, Bau, Sarawak) on the 17th, or was it 18th, of March.




12:11 AM: Life.. and loads of crap!!
A short intro to my year of 2008.

Life as we know, is full of fun times, memorable times, hard times, unexpected events may it be good or bad, and just plain crappy times. But that's just what life is all about: It is full of challenges and hurdles that help us grow and be a stronger and better person. This year, I've had my fair share of challenges that I'd be glad if I never see another for a lifetime!!!

At the end of last year, 24 Dec 07, I went to part-time with a friend of mine in a Feng Shui shop. Back then, they were at the most busiest time of the year because CNY was comin pretty soon. So, i had to start the next day after my interview. When i decided to part-time with my friend, I didn't not in a million years ever expected it to be that shop. Truth be told, I wasn't really much of a believer of Feng Shui before. But since my job required me to explain stuff and what each item did to each customer, I was forced to learn about it. After awhile, I stumbled onto some horoscope forecast books for 2008. I thought it would make a good laugh to read about my own horoscope (horse) for the new year. Apparently, the Horse was the most unlucky zodiac for the year 2008 as it was facing the Tai Sui, 5 Yellow Star, and the 3 Killings. At 1st, I just thought it was superstition. But after this year, Feng Shui is not something I'll take lightly ever again!!