Me. My Life. And Crap.



Sunday, August 17, 2008 @ 12:57 AM: Memories of TarC
Well, this entry ain't a continuation of my past experiences this year, but its pretty much just an entry about my life in TARC that had ended recently and al that I've felt throughout the entire time.

Well, 1st is that i really just only realised how much I need to appreciate the time i spent in TAR College. Even though just being there a month, I've really got alot of experience and happy memories there. I was glad to be able to finally get into college life. I was glad to be able to go into a course and subject that actually makes sense and can be used in the future!! Unlike school subjects - which are useful, but not as useful, I feel.. - it really helped me to learn more about myself and find the courage to change myself. But out of all of these events, the one thing that really made me feel the best and touched my heart, was that I belonged. I was not ignored. I wasn't cast aside. I was acknowleged. Not for my smarts (if I have any), but for who I am.

When I first got there, I told myself that I had to change my personality from being quiet and closed up, to open and outspoken. I wanted to be able to socialise better and make the first move for once instead of waiting for everyone to finally notice the kid who is always alone. Though, initially i admit, I stuck onto mostly the 2 friends that I knew back from school. Here, I would really like to thank them, May Shuen and Vanessa, for being there for me and not thinking I was a nuissance. Instead, they treated me liek a real friend and helped me whenever I needed it. Eventually, I also got to know Phoay Shan, who also I had gotten to know through May Shuen and Vanessa as well.

After the trio, I had also found an old friend whom I've long ago lost contact with. Shu Yi. At first, I kept stealing glancesat her, wondering where had I seen her before. I thought to myself: Is she from Sentosa? No. I don't remember her being in ANY class. And I kept pondering until finally, she came over and asked me am I from Yoke Nam. Hahahaha. Who would have thought, she was my ex-classmate back in Primary School, Standard 4!! After that, we chat alot more and became much better friends, especially after being put in the same tutorial group.

Later on, in the tutorial classes, we were grouped into groups of 3. Here, I met yet another few friends. Chun Keong and Jo, who were my group members and friends. During assignments, it wa alawys very fun to work with them. I'm glad more than ever that I were paired with them and no one else. After that, through Jo, I was able to get to know Henry, Ken, and Hiang Chiak. I didn't really get much time with them because I had decided to leave TARC early.

At the time, I couldn't even begin to explain to you guys how I felt about leaving all my newly made friends behind. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why I never told any of them i was leaving until my last day there. I couldn't bare to hear them ask me repeatedly why was I leaving and hearing their pleas for me to stay on. I knew that I had to do what was best for me and I couldn't just keep following my friends all the time. I finished the assignment which I was responsible for and passed it to Jo and Chun Keong as my final job was done and left.

Some time had passed, and after awhile, another one of my senior and close friends whom I think of as a big brother, Cornas, sms-ed me and asked me to join them on a Counselling Camp they had been planning for awhile now. Before I knew I was leaving, I wrote my name on the list of people who were going. But since I was no longer a student, I thought that I had been cancelled out immediately. But, Cornas insisted that I joined them on the trip to the Japanese House in N.Sembilan for the camp and said that even though I'm no lner a student, I was still a part of their DCL Family. I was so touched by this. In the end, I agreed to go.

For the last time, I took my stuff and gathered at the Pasar Seni lrt station at 7.30am where we were supposed to rendezvous. There, I saw only a few of the people whom I knew and felt like an outsider, an extra, and outcast. But that feeling went away as soon as I saw the Jo, Henry, May Shuen, Vanessa, and eventually more of my friends appear. Once everyone had arrived, we headed onto the bus. Here, once again, I felt like an extra again. It wasn't that I meant to, and not that I didn't see it coming either. It seemed that everytime we were suppsoed to pair up with someone for a seat or something, I would always end up alone. This time, I sat alone, and eventually, the last person without a seat, joined me. It was James. Our course rep. I'm not saying he wasn't a good person, but just that for once, I would like to have been able to have a friend who would join me because he/she wanted to. Its a little childish, but yeah, its true.

Later, we arrived at Selangor Bus station. There, we had to switch buses but the bus that was supposed to pick us up was late and didn't come for quite some time. So, the bunch of us spent almost an hour at the petrol station grabbing a breakfast, some tid-bits, or just simple standing there chatting. As I saw that everyone was already grouped or ganged, I didn't feel like a should have mixed in with any of them as it felt like intruding.

But after awhile, something that I never expected happened. Jo called over to me, where she was standing with Ken, Henry and Hiang Chiak. She asked me (in chinese): "Hey, what are you doing over there alone? Come join us la! You're with our gang de ma!!"... I'm not sure of the exact words but it was 90% accurate. I can't begin to describe my feelings then. Its like an orphan being adopted after 10 years of solitude. That's the best I can describe it. Weird, but I can't do better. Sue me.

At that moment, I felt that I was truly wanted, cared for, and part of something. They weren't calling me to join them because they needed some extra guy in their project, or because they can't find enough guys. They called me because they wanted to. Because they thought of me as their friend and one of them. They may not know it, but just by saying that seemingly insignificant detail to me, has meant so much much to me. It made me feel that I wasn't worthless. I wasn't an extra. I can't begin to thank them enough for being in my life. I may not get as much time with them now, but all I can say is that, I will never forgot them and what they did for me. Sure, i'll admit. I'm only human. I may forget their names. I may forget their looks. I may even forget where I met them. But the one thing I know I'll never forget is what they did for me: They gave me some of the self-worth that I never had given much to myself.

Well, that's pretty much the most important and main part that I wanted to write about throughout this entire entry. The next part will be all about my experience at the Japanese House. But I won't elaborate much coz, if I do, I'm afraid you might never see the end of this entry!! All I'll say is that from here on, it was all fun, plenty of games, loads of mosquitoes, and just bonding with friends.

As for the main few things that happend here besides that, it was that I got to talk about my problems and get some advice from Cornas at the night. It was very helpful and I'll always appreciate his help. Another thing is that I got to know another friend that shared the same room as me, Jo, Henry, Ken, Hiang Chiak, n Shu Yi. Btw, I got to know her through Shu Yi. And I would like to point out, sharing rooms could never get any more fun with any other guys thn them!! They are seriously the best roomates ever! Fun, and really funny especially when we woke up the next morning with 5 of us cramped into 3 matresses stuck together, while 2 other guys slept on the floor. Yup. We, guys n girls, slept together on the same bed. Heh. Wasn't really anything much going on since we all just, well, slept! But I bet I know what you're thinking!!!

Naughty naughty!! xD

Just some pictures of my memories with my friends at Japanese House:




My roommates for the trip.

Best guys n gals eva!!

My group for the trip.

Played all of the games and activites together^^


Final picture with my close friends:

Cornas, May Shuen (girl in black), and Vanessa (girl in Green)

Me n Shu Yi... and other sleeping dudes in the background xD

Finally, a full photo of those of who attended the trip.
Missing em all!! Thx 4 da memories!!